Feb 10, 2012

"Chronicle" - 2012

"Chronicle", Hollywood's latest attempt to get over on us with faux "found footage", doesn't waste any time setting up ye olde revenge scenario that will drive the narrative in the film's 15 minute second hour.

Andrew is a loner, an outsider left to fend for himself by his dying mother. He's beat up by the bullies at school, chased by the local dropouts and, just for good measure, beat up by his father too. His eyelids have that red-along-the-edges look that show he spends most of his off camera time crying, no doubt alone in his room. One day he gets an idea: "My life is so boring and depressing I bet it'd make a really good movie!" So he buys an old video camera and begins to shoot everything. Which is really convenient for us since otherwise we wouldn't have a story to watch.

He's taken to a party by his cousin and there he meets a girl who's also videotaping everything for her blog and incredibly her footage finds its way into his in a way that creates perfect two point camera perspectives during conversations. I guess she must have one of those modern cameras that can do that kind of thing. You know, take over other cameras and impose itself on them in creatively meaningful ways.

Anyway after the party Andrew his cousin and a friend stumble upon a hole in the ground that leads them down to an alien craft/thingy. Contact with this alien craft begins to change them in bizarre and unexpected ways, essentially imbuing them with superpowers (though those powers emerge in a slow, compassionate and nurturing fashion so as not to overwhelm these sensitive youngsters). Remarkably, although they cultivate their emerging superpowers they don't feel the need to tell anyone about them, or even for that matter, have a single meaningful conversation about the fact that they found an alien spaceship/thingy in a hole in the ground.

In a nutshell the now superpowered youth spend a half hour or so honing their superskills by raising girls skirts, moving cars and even learning to fly. Alas, Andrew, with his deep seeded hostility born of endless bullying, decides the best thing to do is to use his new found powers to rain whoop ass down upon an unsuspecting Seattle and does just that.

It should be noted that the quality of this "found footage" is simply amazing. It displays none of the qualities that 100% of other (actual) home movies/found footage does (poor focus, camera pointed at the ground whenever something interesting is happening and shaking - good lord the shaking). It's as if they're walking around with steadcams perpetually strapped to their waists, and if that's the case, it's no wonder the kid gets harassed so much. "Hey, check out dorky dork with the hydraulic girdle! Hayuck hayuck!"

To be fair Chronicle is nowhere near as bad as the hopelessly lame, boring, laughable insult that is Paranormal Activity. Nor are the characters anywhere near as loathsome as those that infected Cloverfield and made that film enjoyable for all the wrong reasons. Chronicle has it's moments, (though none of them last very long), and as teen-revenge flicks go its not bad, even if it is painfully predictable.

But the 600 pound gorilla in the room simply refuses to go away and that is this: besides studios wishing to slash production budgets, undermine unions and increase their profit margins what possible reason is there to continue to exploit the already worn out "found footage" gimmick? None that I can see. "Chronicle" would have been exponentially better movie if they'd just made a real movie of it.



No comments:

Post a Comment